Scenes from the resource room

Teacher: "Mitchell, concentrate on your test, please."
Mitchell sticks his tongue out at her and gets back to work.
Teacher: "Hey, that's not nice. I wasn't rude to you -- don't be rude to me."
Mitchell (matter-of-factly): "I wasn't rude. I was just being silly. If I wanted to be rude, I would've flipped you off."
Teacher: "Oh. Thanks for clarifying."

***
Teacher: "You shouldn't be wearing that shirt in school."
Simon: "What's wrong with it?"
Teacher: "You're not supposed to expose your shoulders."
Simon: "No, it's OK as long as the sleeves are at least three fingers wide, or something like that. I've worn this shirt a lot and no one's ever said anything."
Teacher: "Really?"
Simon: "Hey, you should see what some of the girls wear!"
Teacher: "Oh, I know. I do."
Simon: "Not that I'm complaining. As far as I'm concerned, all the girls could wear bikinis to school and I'd be perfectly happy." Pause. "Although I don't think I would get any work done."

* * *
Teacher: "You have a really good way of explaining things. Maybe you should be a teacher."
Jared: "No way. Are you kidding? I'd get fired my first day!"
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Jared: "Teachers have to put up with too much crap. I've talked to teachers and asked them about certain things they should have done, and they've been like, 'Yeah, you're right, I would've done that, but I can't go against the bureaucracy.'"
Teacher: "But you'd get some of that in any big organization."
Jared: "I guess. But I also can't deal with stupid kids. You know? I wouldn't have any patience whatsoever. I'd just be like, 'You're being stupid. Get out of my classroom.' The worst would be to have MYSELF as a student. I couldn't handle me! I would kick myself out of class every single day!"

;)

Out of the mouths of babes

The 13-year-old boy I tutor: "I had a dream last night I was a Jedi."
Me: "Really?"
Boy: "And I was fighting myself."
Me: "How did you do that?"
Boy (as if obvious): "Well, I had cloned myself."

Oh. Of course!

* * *
A high school junior in the resource room: "Your voice sounds low."
Me: "It does?"
Junior: "Are you a smoker?"
Me: "No."
Junior contemplates this for a minute, then declares: "It sounds like you've been inhaling helium backwards."

My new part-time teaching job

Yesterday was my first day doing the part-time high school resource room teaching job. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. The Spanish teacher is in there as the regular teacher -- don't know how they get away with that, as she's not special ed certified, but I guess that's why they want me there. There's also a teacher's aide, and then today yet another teacher's aide showed up. For four to five kids per period. !!! And these kids are bright -- they just need extra time on tests, or a little extra help with homework, etc. -- they really don't seem to need an almost one-to-one adult/student ratio. But the Spanish teacher is very nice, and she suggested I just observe this week, so that's what I've been doing. Needless to say, it has not been very stressful. I spend more time commuting to the school (an hour and 20 minutes each way) than actually being AT the school (an hour and a half). Kind of funny.

The kids are pretty funny, too. Mostly boys, as is par for the course in special ed. Yesterday one of them was telling a story about how he got mugged on a street corner two years ago when a couple of guys demanded his money, and he said no.

"So what happened?" the teacher asked.

"They cut me with a knife," he said.

The teacher's jaw dropped. "And then what happened?"

"They ran away," he said, "and I went to the hospital and got 25 stitches."

One of the other boys started laughing and asked the teacher, "What did you think he would say? 'I pulled out my sword and we commenced to duel'?"

Then they started talking about a certain teacher they all like. "I have a crush on her," one of the boys admitted dreamily. "I heard she's 37. If I were 37, I would totally ask her out on a date."

"I know where she lives," another boy said.

The first boy rolled his eyes. "Dude, I'm not gonna stalk her!"

Oh, and guess what? I have an interview next week for a full-time-with-benefits special ed teaching job at a high school in Brooklyn! It's a new school that started this schoolyear with only ninth graders. I like the principal already. We only spoke a few minutes on the phone, but he just seemed so nice, so enthusiastic, so normal (three important qualities in a principal). He said, "I can't wait for you to come in and meet the staff -- we have such great people working here." So I'm going in next Tuesday morning to observe a couple of classes, and then he and I will "talk" (I assume that's his informal way of saying "interview"). Should be interesting.

Details on Resource Room teaching job

When I talked to the woman at the tutoring agency today about the part-time Resource Room teaching job, she said, "The principal really liked you and was so impressed with you -- she even asked if you could work there next schoolyear, which I've never had happen before the tutor has started!" Which is pretty funny, because the principal did not interview me. She has never met me. In fact, she wasn't even in the building when I arrived (she was off at some meeting), so I interviewed with an underling whose name I never quite caught. I assume she was the vice-principal, but I don't know for sure. So I thought that was amusing.

But I don't think I would be able to work there next year even if I wanted to, because the vice-principal (or whoever she was) said the part-time Resource Room was pretty much the extent of their special education program there, and I need a full-time job! At least it's nice to know I'm going in on a high note, although it's also a little nerve-wracking. If they like me this much before I've even done anything, it can only go downhill from here, right? Now I know how President Obama feels. ;)

The woman at the tutoring agency may have another part-time job for me, working with two or three kids at another school just a few blocks away in the late afternoons, which could work out nicely. But I don't even have a start date yet for the Resource Room job -- apparently they have to get all of the students' parents to sign permission forms first. Since that will take several days, at least, and since February break is from 2/16 - 2/20, I'm guessing I won't start until 2/23.

Which is fine, because I need to recover -- I am sick. I started getting a terrible sore throat and a fever on Sunday night. The fever went away after a couple of days of taking Tylenol, fortunately, but the sore throat had to be the worst one I've had in 10 years -- every time I swallowed, I was in utter agony -- but that finally started going away on Thursday, thank God. Now I just have to get rid of the cough/cold/pinkeye. The pinkeye is pretty disgusting-looking (I'll spare you the gory details), but I hope it goes away on its own. Healthy New York delayed my health insurance application because I didn't include four weeks' pay stubs from my college teaching job (because I only get paid once a month, as I patiently explained to them on the phone), so I don't have health insurance until March 1st. Sigh!

I couldn't tutor my 7th grade student yesterday, unfortunately (I miss paid sick days!), but I dragged myself there on Wednesday. At the end of our session he read me a list of funny pick-up lines he found on the Internet. Here were my two favorites:

1) "Let's make like a fabric softener and Snuggle."

2) "Are you a parking ticket?"
"No, why?"
"Because you've got FINE written all over you!"

What can I say? They made me laugh. (Have I mentioned that I'm sick??)